he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
