There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
