I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
