Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need water and some morals
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
