i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
