How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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