WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
