Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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