You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
