I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
