you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
