I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
