Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
