I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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