Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
