I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
