I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
