Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
