I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize