just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
