Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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