I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you had me at cake vodka
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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