chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
