i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize