Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
