dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
