I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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