No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
