woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
