You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
