Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
