Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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