i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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