My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
