That's intense
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
