I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think my tv is drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize