Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
