RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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