Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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