Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
