the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
