i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
