I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
