singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
