Your face is a jimmy john
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
