Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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