white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
