sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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