found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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