The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
