I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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