is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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