I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
