I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
