how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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