Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
