I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
