Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
