Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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