She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
