I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
