I got chris browned last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
