Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
