Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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