She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
