I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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