Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize