i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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