my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
